i feel so out of place. i need to think of something. i felt like an idiot-- an indecisive idiot. and this whole week made me feel.. really out-of-it, i wasn't acting like myself. i wasn't smiling as much, and i was lost in thought, or more like, thinking about nothing and staring at anything in front of me. also, i hate pretending and saying that i'm "okay" when i'm really not. i've been saying things that dont even come to my head, and its like i'm running on words without even thinking of what i'm saying. if that makes any sense. i can't explain it. it's as if i'm awake but not fully awake. (similar to the saying by emerson) or maybe i've just become very observant. who knows. is there anyone else out there that stares at the detailings of a brick wall, or lines on a tree , or see ants and counting how many ants are crawling up a tree? ..or am i being pessimistic? hm, i blame viry's shirt. yes, her shirt broke my heart. ^^; why can't someone say ' you are my life now ' to me? ): sigh* i hope i get better next week. signing up for college applications next week, yay! i wont sign up for any i'm not going to go to though.. because if i do make it and i cant go, they'll get me sad. ..i guess i'll sleep early tonight, since everyone is busy and im the only one awake ..while the rest of the world is asleep. at least he'll be in my dreams, right? | 
